


Die Another Day

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, Angst, Capital Punishment, Character Death, Confrontations, M/M, Murder, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 20:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15080945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: He had always thought that all he had heard about prisons, about three feet by three feet cells, was an exaggeration.He had had to learn on his skin how precise the proportions were.





	Die Another Day

Kota had always found it ridiculous.

From where he was he couldn’t see much past that statue, and as much as he tried he couldn’t tear his eyes away from it.

What the hell was an angel doing in a place like that?

Since he had first arrived he had always found it ironical, and of an irony that was hardly making him smile.

He stood up, brushing his hands over his face and stretching, starting to walk in circle.

Not that he could do much more, even if he had wanted to.

He had always thought that all he had heard about prisons, about three feet by three feet cells, was an exaggeration.

He had had to learn on his skin how precise the proportions were.

He sighed and kept walking along the three walls not occupied by the cot, throwing a look outside the small window from time to time, staring at the grey sky, hearing the voices from the other inmates enjoying rec time, feeling a strong desire to end it right now, instead of being forced to wait.

He sat on the cot again, tired of that uneasiness accompanying his last days.

What was he waiting for, after all?

They had asked him what he wanted for his last meal, they had asked if he wanted someone to witness the execution...

Too much care, he thought, for a man they were about to kill.

Kota had known from the start how it was going to end, but he couldn’t regret any of his actions.

He hadn't tried to hide, he hadn't tried to resist the arrest, because the moment he had made his decision he had known already he was putting an end to his life.

Now that he had his verdict, now that he had his death penalty, all he asked was for it to be over as soon as possible.

He was about to lay back down, when he heard one of the guards’ step outside his cell.

He frowned, wondering what else they could possibly want from him and why they just couldn’t let him be.

“Visitations, Yabu-san.” the man said, his voice tired, while Kota got close to the heavy steel door, looking through the slit.

“And who the hell is it?” he asked, his frown deeper.

“Move and you’ll find out.” the other replied harshly, opening the door and handcuffing him, pushing him to the visitation room.

During the walk, Kota thought hard about it.

Since he was in prison, over a year now, he had received very few visits.

His sister had come a few times, before giving up on him.

His friends had disappeared, dead set into having nothing to do with him.

As much as he tried, Kota couldn’t understand who could be there, so close to the day of the execution.

When he entered the small, he froze on the doorstep for a few seconds.

The guard gave him a hard shove, letting him inside and taking the handcuffs off, then he closed the door behind him, announcing he was going to wait outside.

Kota stared at his visitor through the thick glass, feeling weak all of a sudden, having a hard time breathing.

“Kei...” he murmured.

“Hi, Kota.” the other replied, a grave look on his face. “It’s been a while.”

“Yes. Yeah, it’s over a year that...” he said, then he stopped.

He didn’t understand.

During the first months he had kept hoping with all his might that he could see Kei right where he was now.

He had hoped that the younger might’ve wanted to see him, to ask him questions... to forgive him, maybe, but that had been an expectation easily broken.

Inoo kept quiet, staring at him.

He was different than he remembered, Yabu thought.

His face was thinner, his features sharper, the shadows under his eyes dark and his eyes lacking any form of brightness.

He chased away the thought that those changes were all his fault, because he didn’t want to think about it. Not yet, at least.

“Why did you come, Kei?” he asked, nothing suspicious in his question, just mere curiosity.

Inoo shrugged, chewing on his lower lip.

Kota couldn’t see his hands with the way he was sitting, but he was sure he was digging his nails in the palms, like he used to do whenever he was nervous.

“Execution’s in two days, isn’t it?” he murmured, closing his eyes for a brief moment. “I wasn’t expecting to be here either. I had sworn I wasn’t going to come, because I didn’t want to see you again.”

“What’s changed?”

Kei seemed about to cry, and Kota was floored.

He knew the younger well enough to know he wasn’t one to cry, not when he should’ve been angry instead.

“I thought about it, you know.” Kei started to explain, staring into space. “I’ve spent the past year thinking about what’s happened, every single day, never getting a moment to rest my mind. And I've told myself a million times how much I hated you for what you’ve done to me, how much I wanted you to pay for it.” he smiled, sadly, then he went on. “You don’t know how much I’ve waited for the day of your execution, but now that we’re almost there, I...” he swallowed, now looking into his eyes. “Why, Kota?” he asked, his voice feeble.

Kota arched an eyebrow.

He had told himself why a thousand time.

He had told himself during the trial and he had kept that from the judges and jury, sure that it wasn’t going to help his case anyway.

He had told himself in prison, day after day, during every single moment spent inside that dark cell, looking at the statue of that angel which almost seemed to pity him, and he kept thinking about what had happened, never managing to regret it.

“You know it, deep down, why I did it. Don’t you, Kei? What do you want from me? To confirm it or to tell you you’re wrong?” he asked, provocative.

Kei sucked in his lips, hitting a hand against the glass.

“Is this a game for you, Kota?” he yelled. “Is dying a game for you? Is it a game the reason why you’re here?”

Yabu shrugged, looking tired.

“I have no choice but act like this, Kei. Were you hoping of finding me ready to make amends for my sins? I know what my punishment is, I know what’s going to happen to me and I've accepted it. Now the question is why you’re here, Kei.”

In his mind, he had imagined his meeting with Inoo to go down differently. But he had arrived too late, at point where Kota had already lost the will to struggle and explain, together with the desire to talk without getting straight to the point.

He wanted clearness from Kei, he wanted him to stop being afraid of the truth, because it was all Kota had left to ask for.

“I was your best friend, Ko.” he murmured, and that pet name was so unexpected that Kota almost softened.

“You’re wrong.” he pointed out. “He was my best friend.”

He saw Kei’s eyes water up, before he rushed to dry them up with the back of his hand.

He wished he could’ve been the one to dry up those tears, instead of being the reason behind them.

He wished that glass would've disappeared, that he could’ve held him tight, and tell him that the last thing he had wanted was to hurt him, tell him everything was going to be okay, that one day he was going to feel better, that he was going to forget everything.

But he didn’t want to lie to him, so he pretended to ignore those tears for both their sakes.

“I loved Hikaru, and you knew that.” Kei accused him, his eyes suddenly sad. “I loved him, and you...”

“And I took him away from you. And if I could do it again, I would. And I would come back to this damn prison and I’d wait to die feeling good about myself, Kei.” he smiled, dispirited. “If you want to hear I'm sorry I've killed him, you’re wasting your time.” he paused, looking straight into his eyes. “But you’re not here for that, are you?”

“You’re a monster, Kota.”

“I don’t care about that either, you know? I only care about the thought I did it for you. I only care about the fact that I've always loved you, he knew it and he decided he didn’t give a damn, that he could take you as if it could ever leave me unscathed. Do you know how many times I told him how I felt? Do you know how many times he must’ve laughed at the thought that he could have you while I couldn’t?” his voice got louder as he spoke. “I didn’t deserve that pain, Kei. I didn’t.” he finished, breathing deeply, trying to keep himself in check as much as he could.

He remembered Hikaru telling him about him and Kei as if it had been the day before.

He remembered his happy smile, that malicious bliss of having won a race that Kota had already lost, he remembered he had decided right then that Yaotome had to stop living, and so it had been.

And Kei knew, and he knew how much he loved him, that was why Kota wasn’t going to take much longer for him to pretend to ignore his feelings.

Let him hate him, if he wanted to, it wasn’t what Yabu cared about.

He only wanted for him to finally understand what he had kept from him for years.

“You’re crazy, Ko.” the younger murmured, but he didn’t sound convinced at all, and all Kota could do was nod.

“Think whatever you want, Kei.” he softly pressed his hand on the glass, brushing his fingertips over it and pretending it was Inoo’s face. “If I couldn’t have you, I didn’t want him to have you either.”

Kei stood up, every control over his reactions lost.

He made as to leave, but before he had reached the door he turned to look at him again.

“If you had told me, it could’ve been different, Kota.” he murmured, smiling melancholic. “If you had told me you loved me instead of finding excuses for yourself, perhaps today there wouldn’t be a glass between us.” he said, leaving the room.

Kota kept still on his chair, watching him leave.

Now he was the one feeling like crying.

All of a sudden he didn’t wait impatiently for the execution, rather he cursed time, eating the minutes to his death.

He looked outside the window once again, biting his lip. The sky was still grey, a good reflection of the way he felt.

From there he couldn’t see the angel’s statue, and he was glad about it.

Right now, he didn’t need any more pity than what he felt for himself.

 

~

 

The day of the execution, Kota wished he felt ready, and he found out he didn’t.

He had imagined being more at ease, more willing to pay his debt, but he got caught off guard by a fear that he had never experimented till now.

He wanted to escape, and he also knew who to blame for it.

When the guard arrived to take him he threw one last look at his cell, quickly moving his eyes outside the window.

There were no clouds that day, the air was clear, terse.

The angel wasn’t pitying him anymore, he had accepted too that this was how it was supposed to go.

He walked down that corridor one last time, feeling his heart beat faster in his chest, wanting to take advantage of it while it could.

The room where he was going to be executed was small, bare, and it tasted of death.

There was a glass, dividing it from where those who had to be there were going to witness a man dying, pay for his sins, freeing the world from his lumbering presence.

Erased, like a mistake.

Kota smiled at the thought that Hikaru’s death had been an execution as well.

He had only a few minutes before they were going to blindfold him, and he took advantage of it to look to the other side.

The warden was a mask of pure professionalism, the guards looked bored, and a journalist fiddled with his pen, not much more amused than them.

It was then that Kota saw him.

Kei looked so different from when he had been there to see him two days ago that he thought it was a figment of his imagination.

But he was there, standing aside.

He cried.

Yabu thought that seeing him cry should’ve made him feel satisfied, because he had made it, because he was crying for his death, because he was there for him.

Instead he felt ripped apart, because he wished he had more time to dry up those tears.

And with that excruciating feeling, he passed.


End file.
